Every parent yearns for that quiet, solitary moment in the bathroom. This morning, bursting into my home with the urgency of a short distance runner making a mad dash toward the finish line, I thought I had finally earned mine. Gone was the kid with the built-in alarm system whose sensor is somehow triggered like a trip wire the moment those cheeks hit the toilet. If you’re a parent, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. I sat there in peace, soaking in my moment. Amazing what grape fruit can do for mothers who suffer from constipation.
Suddenly, the shower curtain moved.
Something shuffled in the tub.
Frantic eyes scanned for the nearest, sharpest object: a roll of toilet paper, a tube of toothpaste, and a toilet brush. Great, now I could roll my attacker in toilet paper and brush his teeth with the over-sized brush. Where was Bessie, my 9 mm, when I needed her?
Screw it. The sharp end of the handle would have to do. Although I failed the first part of the test: always be prepared! It was time to put into practice what I trained for in the last five years.
Eyes dilated… heart pounded…my vice grip hand grasped the handle.
Without a moment’s notice green eyes peered out of the curtain, followed by a long body…a gray coat… and four legs.
My cat, Felix, with a built-in alarm system of his own, that is triggered the moment my man gets out of the shower, so he can lap the water accumulated around the rim of the drain, gave me a curious meow and what seemed like a mild heart-attack.
Note to self, and to anyone who cares to heed these words… two actually:
- Forget the grapefruit, a good scare will cure all types of constipation.
- Your home protects you from the elements, but not from predators or intruders. Come up with a plan to help you prepare for both.